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So, you’re looking for beginner-friendly BDSM and bondage toys and accessories to spice up your sex life. Good choice. You watched 50 Shades of Grey for some inspiration but kink play is still quite intimidating. Well fear no longer! This guide is here to inform you about the basics of introducing BDSM to the bedroom along with a few tips and product recommendations for some of our favourite beginner-friendly BDSM toys.
What is BDSM?
BDSM is an umbrella term for a variety of erotic and fetish sexual activities. The name BDSM itself is an acronym for Bondage, Discipline (or Domination), Sadism (or Submission) and Masochism. Overall, the dynamic between the partners involved and how they interact is what defines BDSM. BDSM can involve restraining your partner, indulging in sensory play, or even pain/pleasure play for those a bit more experienced. In this post we’ll cover the more beginner-friendly practices and the basics of BDSM that aren’t too intimidating.
Consent & Communication
Above all else, making sure that you and your partner(s) are comfortable with trying BDSM and give their fully informed consent are the most important aspects of introducing and maintaining BDSM in the bedroom. With movies like 365 Days and the 50 Shades series bringing fetish play and BDSM more into the mainstream, it’s easier than ever to be exposed to kinkier sex-scapades. However, these depictions of BDSM are not always the safest or healthiest: consent is often forgotten or completely ignored. This is a huge misconception in the BDSM community. Knowing that you and your partner(s) feel comfortable is at the core of any bedroom activities.
Safe words are a must-have in BDSM play. Participants use safe words during sex to indicate that they are uncomfortable and wish to stop or pause briefly. Ideally safe words are short and easy to say and are not words that are commonly used during sex, such as orange, peach, red, blue. If a partner uses a safe word, any and all sexual activity needs to stop. Communicating your boundaries is essential, and respecting your partner’s boundaries is even more important. Be sure to comfort your partner if they use a safe word and reassure them that neither of you have to do anything that creates discomfort.
Communicating with your partner is essential in BDSM. Understanding where your and your partner’s boundaries lie is crucial in creating a space where you can both explore your desires safely and openly. Nothing is more important in BDSM than making sure everyone involved is comfortable and consenting to any and all activities.
Sensory Play
Possibly the most beginner-friendly aspect of BDSM is playing on your senses, or to be more specific, heightening or taking away one of the senses to intensify sensations. An easy addition to bring to the bedroom is a blindfold: a simple tool to take away a partner’s senses. This way they’re more sensitive to touch. Using a blindfold also leaves your partner in a state of pure anticipation, wondering what will happen next, and that can intensify every little sensation, even the most gentle of touches.
Ticklers are also another great form of sensory play that’s an easy addition to the bedroom. These toys include a soft and fluffy feather end that – as the name suggests – aim to gently tickle and entice your partner, building suspense and excitement for what is to come. Simply use these teasing ticklers on the most sensitive areas of your partner to get them all worked up in the best possible way. One of our favourite ticklers is the Sportsheet Starburst Tickler.
Spanking is quite a misrepresented part of BDSM. While bringing spanking into the bedroom can be used for pleasure/pain play, there is no reason that spanking needs to be painful at all. Using your hand, crop, or paddle to gently spank your partner is a great way to get blood to rise to the surface of your skin, making the spanked skin red and sensitive. This sensitivity is what adds even more pleasurable sensations to the bedroom. If you want to try harder spanking, be sure to communicate with your partner and respect any boundaries set. Here at Pleasures N Treasures, we have a plethora of crops, whips, and ticklers for you to choose from.
Temperature Play
Experimenting with different temperatures is a sub-section of sensory play that can really enhance your bedroom experience. Spicing up your sex life can be as simple as adding a variety of temperatures to your play – it’s a fantastic way to stimulate the body, heighten sensations and increase sexual arousal.
An easy way to bring temperature play into the bedroom is to use a glass or metal toy that can withstand changing temperatures. Most glass toys are made from borosilicate glass, which is incredibly durable and is ideal for using in temperature play as they are less prone to cracking or breaking. Similarly, companies specifically make metal toys from stainless steel, which has a high melting point. Indulging in temperature play with toys is easier than you think – just use water. Since these toys don’t have motors, using cool or warm water keeps the toys at that specific temperature. Remember to avoid more extreme temperatures so as to not injure yourself. We would recommend the Nobü FS14 Tapered Metal Plug and the Multi Stim Pleasure Wand from Sinner.
Don’t feel like splashing out on a new toy? Then try a warming or cooling or tingling lubricant. Dip your toe into temperature play with a new lube that will give you new sensations and stimulation. We sell a wide variety of stimulating lubes. Some are flavoured, some tingle, and some even provide a cooling sensation.
An even cheaper option if you want to indulge in temperature play is to simply use ice cubes. It really can be that easy. Use ice cubes on your partner’s most sensitive areas and see just how pleasurable temperature play can be.
Another aspect of temperature play that newbies to BDSM can indulge in is using candles to try wax play. Paraffin wax candles are specifically designed to drip warm wax onto your partner’s skin. These specific candles are different to just regular scented candles as they have a slow burning quality – they warm the skin without causing burns. The closer you start dripping the wax, the hotter the wax will be.
Restraints
Restraining your partner can be an incredibly sexy inclusion to your bedroom activities. The prospect of being helpless and at your partner’s mercy can be immensely intoxicating. There are many different ways to comfortably and safely restrain your partner that are sure to send them reeling in pleasure.
Cuffs are a cute and effective way to keep your partner’s wrists restrained. There are many different kinds of cuffs: some with buckles, Velcro straps, locks and keys. For BDSM newbies, we recommend Velcro straps or buckles as these are often easier to take on and off. Cuffs are also super versatile: restrain their wrists in front or behind, or even tie them to the bed itself if you want to intensify sensations even more.
Tape is a great alternative to cuffs when it comes to restraining your partner. The most important thing to remember if you’re going to use tape is that you can’t just use any tape that you find at the Dollar Store or at The Home Depot; you need to choose bondage tape specifically. Why? Regular tape sticks to anything it comes into contact with; however, bondage tape only sticks to itself. This means that it won’t catch any hair, skin, or lingerie when tying up your partner.
Bondage rope can be another cheaper alternative to cuffs or tape for a beginner. It’s overall more versatile than cuffs or tape as there are so many different kinds of knots and restraint styles that you can try. Again, choose bondage rope over any old rope as it’s specifically designed to be more gentle on your skin. However, we do recommend researching Shibari or Japanese-style rope-tying techniques before diving in to restraining your partner with rope. Even the most basic of knot-tying knowledge can be useful when tying up your partner.
Collars and leashes are simple additions to the bedroom that can leave your partner feeling restrained and turned on all at once. Using a collar can add a sense of ownership and dominance to the bedroom, like using any form of restraint. Bringing a leash on top of that is a great way to guide your partner where you want them to go and tell them what you want them to do without saying a word. Want them on their knees? Gently pull them down with the leash. Want them to get up off the bed? Pull them where you want. They’re a sexy and useful tool in any bedroom.
Overall, bringing BDSM to the bedroom can be exciting and thrilling! There are so many different ways to try out bondage or kink play that don’t have to be intimidating or invasive, in fact, some of you might even be incorporating some of these techniques into your sex life already. Just remember to be open and honest with your communication and boundaries. Consent is the most important aspect of sex and BDSM doesn’t change that. With that being said, go forth and enjoy! Indulge to your heart’s desire and experience all new sensations!
If you have any more questions or queries, feel free to email our customer service team wecare@pleasuresntreasures.com or drop in to one of our stores! Our team is happy to help answer any questions you may have.
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